You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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