YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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