Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
