Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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