he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
