I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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