I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
