Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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