Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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