I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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