capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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