yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
