...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
