Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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