We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
