what day is it and did you see me today?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
