My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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