rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
