Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
