My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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