my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
now i know why i became what i already was.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
