No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
