Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize