last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize