Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
