who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
