I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
