Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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