ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
