pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
