I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
