he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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