I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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