coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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