Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
