I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
