you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
