Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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