from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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