grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
