It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
