I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
