when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
