So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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