Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
