I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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