I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
