Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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