I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
