You made me cry and you don't even care
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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