Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
