Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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