I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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