why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
