pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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