he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
