Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
