They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
