I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
