sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
wow bdsm is so cute
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