Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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