At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
