New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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