Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
