Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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