how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
