you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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