I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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